Tired? Or Something else...

These days feel very tired, I feel tired no matter how long I sleep. I thought this might just be the accumulated fatigue from all those sleepless nights, and I said to myself :"nothing to worry about, everything will be just fine after a few long naps."

Well I thought wrong, this "tiredness" doesn't seemed to be going away even after few days of hibernation. Its beginning to affect my daily life, I find myself wandering off in everything that I do like playing CABAL, studying, paying attention in class. My eyes are looking straight but my mind is somewhere else, thinking about stuff that doesn't even matter to me.

Maybe this recent spousal situation shift has taken a bigger toll on me than I realize. Come to think of it, right after that shift, I felt a huge sense of emptiness boiling inside of me. I feel like a hole as emerge in the center of my chest and everything good and happy about my life is being sucked into it. As this looming darkness grows, I grew afraid of what might become of me once it devours me whole. I find myself back sitting in the cyber cafe, and focusing my attention on the one thing that has never failed me before, dota...

It's been almost a week now, where I've spent long hours sitting inside the cyber cafe just so that I don't feel this darkness's existence, just so for that brief moment I can feel alive again. This lifestyle must come to an end, I cannot afford to be buried in countless hours of blood-lusting dota. But what can I do? Who can I turn to? Lost and helpless, I drown myself in dota once again, an escape from the reality that's haunting me.

Am I just tired? Is this hole just an illusion? If so, why does it feels so real? Maybe what I need is a vacation... Emily, where are you? I need someone to talk to. I feel like driving up to Genting to cool my head off. Maybe I'll do it this weekend, as for now, I'll just have to make due with this. As I sign off from this first non-poetry entry, I leave the broken pieces of my soul, till this feeling is gone and done, may these fragments of my soul lay upon this faithful entry, hoping one day they might return to me, as a whole.