Sad SeTH's Scripture

...The Fading of Me...

2009-12-01T08:00:00.004+08:00

Thus ends my will to continue;
Thus I make my leave, of this heart ache venue;
What was once beaming with hope;
Now seemed like I am the only dope.

Regrets is what left of us;
Its meaningless to seek for just;
All I ever hoped was to be that much closer;
But every time I try, its my will that I find closure.

...I bow to thee, once my pride and joy. I lay down my blood stained rose, as I am forced to submit. To you, the victor, and always will be. I've lost the moment I let you inside of me. As I silently fade into the lurking darkness, I pray only happiness of us will linger in me...

The Closing of A Chapter

2009-09-01T01:43:00.004+08:00

As Autumn fade to Winter;
As Winter reborn to Spring;
As Spring make way to Summer.

For every season's past, we grow by every memory we've been bestowed. And like a chapter in novel, I close this chapter I hold so dear, as the ending of what was such a beautiful begining.

I'm grateful for the happiness we shared,
I regret for all the pain I caused,
I'm thankful we've met,
I'm sorry that we grew apart.

All of what we used to be, what's left is what we should have been.
The way of how things are, we were never meant to walk on the plains where lovers meet, as destined to reach higher where even the forsaken love could not linger.

As we are both of the same tree where thoughts bear fruit, its our fate we remain this way. Walking along side watching love wither and fall, our friendship shall out last the fiery passion, trancending the future we'll remain forever.

By this I end the chapter of my life where we stood mistaken, and let this end begin the chapter of where should stand. I thank you for a lesson well taught, I pray you will find your place in this world, My Cruel Teacher...

(>""""<)
( ^ . ^ )
("')__("')

Recently I Feel....

2009-07-11T02:18:00.003+08:00

Recently I feel weary, even with doing nothing I feel tired;

Recently I feel down, like everything I do has lost its colors;

Recently I feel suffocated, like the walls around my room closing in on me;

Recently I feel haunted, by the images of my former spouse, still lingers like a ghost;

Recently I feel sorrow, for every lone moment I have, I'm reminded of what I've lost;

Recently I feel addicted, nights after nights of troubling slumber, I find myself getting acustomed to the sorrow that drowns my heart, am I addicted to sorrow?

Slipping Away My Consciousness

2009-07-06T01:15:00.001+08:00

Everynight when my consciousness fades away, replaced by deeds of my past, reflecting upon every sin of my choice, only one warmth ease the fear of my fading consciousness, a warmth fate has yet to brought it cross my path...

And as I embrace it while slipping to slumber, I whisper these words "When I will ever meet you?"

Silent Farewell

2009-05-16T14:54:00.002+08:00

Pathetically I felt apart at last;
I've shown a shame never before in my past;
Picking up the pieces of my broken heart;
I bid you farewell until this love is in my past.

There will be no voice, no wind, no whisper;
As I force myself, letting this love wither;
I'll miss all the times we happily chatter;
I'll miss you the most, my undestined lover.

Take care... My Love.

Favourite quote from "How I Met Your Mother"

2009-05-15T00:50:00.006+08:00

"The one..."
"I'm gonna say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job not saying out loud lately."
"What you and Tony have, what for a second I thought you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that... I do... I kept waiting for it to happen and waiting for it to happen, I guess I'm just tired of waiting for it to happen..."

These will be my last words to you, while I perform my final magic act, where "the prestige" shall be absent...

Dilemma

2009-05-13T03:08:00.003+08:00

Seasons change, seasons pass;
None of the world seems to last;
Yet my feelings refuse to be my past;
Yet I find myself looking for the past.

My heart drives my desire;
My reason halts my body's fire;
To embrace my loving desire?
To douse my inner fire?

Should I tell you my true feelings?

Have a nice trip~

2009-04-30T02:53:00.005+08:00

I wish you a safe and fun filled trip to taiwan, have fun and throw away your worries on this trip. This is what you deserve~

难过，伤心，牵挂的事就把它都留给我背负吧~
这次的旅行，你不开心，快乐的话，我可不饶你哦~！！
回来以后就要像从梦醒过来那样，继续生活每一天...

今天从电影院回着家时发现一样东西，原来哭着唱歌是很难的...
我看我必须换换歌碟了...

Funeral of my love to you

2009-04-16T08:01:00.011+08:00

Here it lays my heart, broken, scarred, bleeding and dying. Upon the Cremation bed it lays, still clutching the sword that which it fought for its "other half", unwilling to let go, still fighting for a chance to regain his honor. But the God that gave him his sword whisper at his ear:"Rest now, you've done well." These words came to him as of a mother's soothing voice, the warrior let go of his sword and lay dormant on the bed, awaiting his fate.

As the sword collide with the earth beneath it, sparks ignited the cremation bed and the flame grew stronger and stronger, engulfing the heart. There was no pain, there was no sense of heat, there was only the sense of relief, pouring into the heart, drowning all other emotions. As the lonely warrior slowly closes his eyes for the last time, memories of fighting for his "other half" flashes by. Sweet memories of how they met and how happy they felt living side by side for that once so brief of a dream-land fairy tale. The heart has no remorse, no grudge, no hate. He closes his eyes with a faint dying smile.

As the body of the warrior was reduce to ash, all the bitterness, all the demons and darkness of fighting for his "other half" was released from it. Never again to haunt his soul, never again to haunt his memories, never again to haunt his dreams. And when all the darkness left that burnt pile of ash, the heart's soul emerge with flaming white wings, rising towards the heavens.

When the soul flew towards the skies, the God picked up a pinch of the ashes and encase it in a silver locket made from the sweetness of the heart's memories of him and his "other half". Sealing the heart's soul from temptations and corruptions of darkness, ensuring the peace that the heart deserves. This locket will be passed down to the world, reminding how there was once a brave warrior who fought for his happiness, whose name was "My Love To You"...

Tired? Or Something else...

2009-04-15T00:13:00.002+08:00

These days feel very tired, I feel tired no matter how long I sleep. I thought this might just be the accumulated fatigue from all those sleepless nights, and I said to myself :"nothing to worry about, everything will be just fine after a few long naps."

Well I thought wrong, this "tiredness" doesn't seemed to be going away even after few days of hibernation. Its beginning to affect my daily life, I find myself wandering off in everything that I do like playing CABAL, studying, paying attention in class. My eyes are looking straight but my mind is somewhere else, thinking about stuff that doesn't even matter to me.

Maybe this recent spousal situation shift has taken a bigger toll on me than I realize. Come to think of it, right after that shift, I felt a huge sense of emptiness boiling inside of me. I feel like a hole as emerge in the center of my chest and everything good and happy about my life is being sucked into it. As this looming darkness grows, I grew afraid of what might become of me once it devours me whole. I find myself back sitting in the cyber cafe, and focusing my attention on the one thing that has never failed me before, dota...

It's been almost a week now, where I've spent long hours sitting inside the cyber cafe just so that I don't feel this darkness's existence, just so for that brief moment I can feel alive again. This lifestyle must come to an end, I cannot afford to be buried in countless hours of blood-lusting dota. But what can I do? Who can I turn to? Lost and helpless, I drown myself in dota once again, an escape from the reality that's haunting me.

Am I just tired? Is this hole just an illusion? If so, why does it feels so real? Maybe what I need is a vacation... Emily, where are you? I need someone to talk to. I feel like driving up to Genting to cool my head off. Maybe I'll do it this weekend, as for now, I'll just have to make due with this. As I sign off from this first non-poetry entry, I leave the broken pieces of my soul, till this feeling is gone and done, may these fragments of my soul lay upon this faithful entry, hoping one day they might return to me, as a whole.

An enjoyable mistake

2009-04-09T22:36:00.006+08:00

While our entwine might be a mistake;
I would have done the same even at re-take;
Even if I end up scared at my every wake;
I'll follow this lesson to where it may take.

As we grow from this unfortunate break;
I feel we're closer, like a cake in bake;
Before it rises to be an impressive make;
It has to be break, stirred, flattened and bake.

As we reap the fruits of our mistakes;
We grow wiser and better after every tough break;
Thanks, for adding into my knowledge lake;
May our happily ever after will only need one take.

What can I do whenever I need you?

2009-04-07T19:04:00.011+08:00

I appreciate the watch, I really do;
Looking at it reminds so much of you;
I feel like I have a little part of you;
How warm I feel, just thinking of you.

But thinking of you invokes my loneliness;
Being here without you leads me to bitterness;
As much as I long for your very presence;
It hurts that much, for every time you're absent.

I try to be there every time you needed me;
Listening to you, everything you say to me;
But I can't get you every time that I need you;
A text or "I'm busy" is all I receive from you;

What can I do whenever I need you?
Whenever it hurts just thinking of you.
I can't seemed to calm the storm within me;
Teach me how to be at peace without you with me;

I only know one way to stop this growing darkness;
That is to stop thinking of you, I'll attain peacefulness;
Just as seeing the watch reminds me of your presence;
Putting it away, will help regain my consciousness.

A Dedication To Jenny

2009-04-05T21:49:00.003+08:00

Life is not fair, I know, it never is;
We face hardship everyday, that's our fate to be;
Some leaves scratches, others hurts too deep;
Losing someone you love is the hardest lesson there is.

Although they're no longer with us;
They still live through memories in us;
As long as those memories remains with us;
They'll be an everyday part of us.

I won't say I know how you feel;
Cause the pain is too great to be reveal;
When life as it is, from us, it steals;
I hope time as it is, for you, it heals.

Mourn for the lost, but do not give in to pain;
Remorse if you have to, but do not let despair retain;
Move on brave and strong, do not fear the bitter rain;
Have faith and see that there's a rainbow after the rain.

The Promise of 15

2009-04-03T22:28:00.006+08:00

Once again I've stumbled head over heels;
Am I just that gullible? A free steak meal?
Once again I'm bleeding as my heart is peeled;
Driven by so called love, I sign the devil's deal.

Why do you hesitate at the critical hour?
Giving out reasons that doesn't seem to matter;
Your pause have brought upon my darkest hour;
I can't help but to wonder, do I really matter?

One thing left now drives my worn out passion;
A promise to clarify, a date for redemption;
All bets are in upon this vague proclamation;
It's double or nothing, for our final salvation.

If so happens we've won this bet;
You'll have my all, with my heart attached;
If so happens we've lost this bet;
Forgive me that casual is all that I can spare;
I'll cremate my love for you, never again to be reattached.

The Form of My Love

2009-04-02T00:10:00.006+08:00

As I fall deeper and deeper in love;
I sought your purest image to preserve;
I would gladly deplete my entire reserve;
Just to see you in your angelic presence.

我会重视你所重视的；
I will make up alibi for your every absence;
我会珍惜你所珍惜的；
I will accept your weakness as who you are;
我会维护你所爱惜的；
I will listen to your every sorrow;
我会研究你所兴趣的；
I will be there for you through your darkest hour;
我会接受，了解，和体谅你做每一个决定的付出；
and I ask but one thing in return;
Is that you know and trust that I Love You.

For this is the form of my love;
This is how I offer you immortality.

Fortress of Solitude, Fortress of Love

2009-03-28T21:58:00.008+08:00

I build a fortress in my own flesh and blood;
As a safe house for the thing I care most;
This fortress holds my dearest possession;
As I take my stand against my greatest demons;
This fortress was fortified as my last defense.

May this fortress withstand the weight of time;
Forever it will stand, while my love remains pure;
May this fortress withstand the blight of scorn;
Protecting my love, keeping it safe from harm.

While the fortress was build to be impenetrable;
One weakness remains that would summon its failure;
As history portrays, defeat is not of external sins;
My tainted love is the weapon of my fortress's defeat;
If ever my fortress would fall, if ever my demons triumph;
May this fortress be taken by time, forever lost, never to be found;
And may my love for you be taken with it, forever sealed, as my lost relic.

A gift of time

2009-03-26T10:58:00.004+08:00

I extend to thee my utmost appreciation;
I'm sorry I failed upon my demon's apprehension;
I wish to express gratitude on my personal presence;

But as long as I long for your cyssan sensation;
I cannot resist possession's temptation;
I cannot deny my desire for your affection.

Reciting My Birth

2009-03-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

Birth, where life takes its first breath;
As it submits to time, the trial of its worth;
Birth, a substance of overrated worth;
An eternal sentence that governs this world.

Reflecting upon the day of birth;
I choose to embrace silence's worth;
May this day I be free from words;
For 24 hours I detach from this world.

Torn between two

2009-03-22T11:15:00.007+08:00

Missing and afraid, which should I turn to?
I'm lost and confuse, I'm torn between the two;
This feeling has no cure, no aids, there's nothing I can do;
Forgetting is something time will give me in due.

Your image huants me;
Your scent suffocates me;
Your presence tortures me;
Nothing is hurting, but memory of you in me...

Bitter Rain

2009-03-03T01:33:00.007+08:00

The sun shines bright;
The sky's clear blue light;
Its a beautiful starry night;
Would you stop and appreciate the starlight?

Even in such a day;
My rain does not ceased to decay;
Bitterness is left as it lay;
No color dare stands in its way.

Soon I will be gray, grieving in pain;
Colorless I become as my days are slain;
Consuming every color left in my brain;
What can I do? How do I stop the rain?

My Nights

2009-02-26T22:30:00.006+08:00

Whenever I sleep, I still see you lying next to me, Smiling the way I love it...
I find myself pretending you're still there, where I gently kissed your forehead, you responded with the smile I fell in love with...

While these images still lingers;
These feelings slips through my fingers;
Covering my heart no longer ensures;
My masks shatters upon your blinding posture.

Forgive me for I am immature;
This is just my own nature;
A boy whose heart is ruptured;
A patient who needs to recover...

Lingering Ghost

2009-02-25T21:47:00.005+08:00

When the line was cut, when your voice faded;
I felt a jitter where I thought I've discarded;
Could this mean I'm still in denial?
Or is this another trial?

I feel haunted again by forgotten ghost;
Hope is my enemy stationed at my post;
I'm not ready to reengage thy ghost;
The ghost of my dreams, the ghost of my rose...

Please... Don't let me cry myself to sleep again...

Obvious

2009-02-08T15:53:00.007+08:00

Its obvious things are a bit different;
Its obvious we're a bit distant;
Its obvious I'm succeeding recent;
Its obvious your rose is being frozen.

I'm succeeding, but yet there's no glory to withhold.
I'm victorious, but why is my sky still painted grey?
I'm restless, I'm in need of my tranquil slumber.

感谢

2009-01-31T10:02:00.006+08:00

快乐的时间过得快，
又是时间说拜拜。

虽然如此，但我不会很伤心，
因为这段时间你让我陪着你
再次实现了我所需求的。

需求这份东西，不必一直有，
也不是没了不能，只求曾经拥有，
什么永不永恒的执著没意义。

谢谢你包容了我的任性，
认识了你我或许用尽了我一生的运气，
接下来的路，我得靠自己的双脚走下去。

受过的伤我从不怪你，
尝过的乐我感激不尽，
挨过的苦我逆转成量，
说过的话我必然达成。

这次的考验，我彻底的失败了。
但我还是会完成我对你的承诺，
我绝非轻言之人。

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-26T01:08:00.003+08:00

A time for joy;
A time for laughs;
A time where everyone is polite;
A time where anything sad just fades away.

I wish all with tears of joy;
I wish all with blessings of soil;
I wish all with their favorite toy;
I wish all with victory's spoils.

I've been waiting for this day to come;
Hoping that my sorrows will succumb;
Happy Chinese New Year is what they chant extravagantly;
But it seems "Happy" doesn't exist in my dictionary.

Nothing Serious

2009-01-17T10:41:00.008+08:00

Just a song to mourn your dying rose, goddess;
An alarm ring to wake me from my reverie.
... Nothing Serious...

Happy Came-To-Existence-Day Lawrence

2009-01-12T17:57:00.003+08:00

You've reached the age of dreams;
Where we began the fight for our dreams;
Having dreams alone makes you a dreamer;
Fighting to achieve it makes you a contender.

The 100 means the limit that friends can push you;
But having just 100 won't bring your dreams to you;
It's up to you to push the extra 20 percent;
Prove to yourself you're worth every cent.

Look inside to find that driving light, Happy Birthday. BI-A-TCH!

Act. 3-1 Aphrodite's Gift (Revised)

2009-01-11T23:23:00.007+08:00

Goddess, your gift is like a rose I hold with my heart.
It's beauty is beyond words, its celestial aroma captivates me.
As I grew more attached to it, so does the rose, entangling my heart.

It grew thorns for every praise I give it, it embeds itself to my heart every time I adore it.

I became clear that I cannot live without the rose, nor can I feel alive without its presence. Removing the thorns hurts the rose, removing the rose hurts my heart, its thorns will claw, its thorns will tear, ripping my heart so I bleed to my death. Leaving it be the rose continues to grow, the slightest wind will scratch my heart.

Aphrodite, you made me an addict. An addict of the greatest drug, an addict of your gift, an addict of love.

Act. 3 Aphrodite's Gift

2009-01-11T00:58:00.004+08:00

Oh goddess, why do you toy me so?
Does it amuse you when I feel sore?
Or is this a test to see how I score?
I'm lost, I'm sick, I'm poisoned, I'm torn.

Your gift's a rose, armed with thorns;
It rips my heart, every time it spawns;
Everyday I heal, I recover, somewhere at dawn;
Just to be ripped at night by those hateful thorns.

If that's the way it must be;
I'll accept my fate, I'll let it be;
Rip as much, torn me apart;
Just don't tell me right now we're apart.

Rejoice Aphrodite, you got what you want.
I'll embrace your gift, even if it kills me.

Emptiness is loneliness

2009-01-10T00:50:00.002+08:00

Recently, I started to hate big beds. They make me realize just how lonely I am. They make me realize even though I'm in pain, no one will notice.

I used to love big beds, saying that I can roll here and there when I sleep. But after the rolling, when I'm tired and ready to sleep. The emptiness made me see just how dark an empty bed can be, how the emptiness slowly devours me inside, how I slowly lock myself up.

Recently, I can't stand being alone. The loneliness slowly takes my soul away, bite by bite. Please... make it stop...

Farewell... My Close Friend

2008-12-29T18:57:00.007+08:00

I am who I am today because of my friends, although we might not notice it but friends around us everyday help shape our emotions and mind set. Especially for a growing age, this part is crucial for a bright future.

I believe that my future will be shining bright, with endless possibilities and prosperity will be by my side wherever I go. I have 3 Close Friends to thank for this, through out my experience and time spent with them, they help me in ways that I could not even finish mentioning.

The first who help cater my foundation for a loyal lover and a caring friend is Li Jo, my time with her lead me to understand that connections are the things that makes us feels alive. Connections are the proof of our existence. For without anyone remembering you, you practically don't exist. My regret to you is that we could not reconnect our friendship. She's a lesson that I will take to my grave.

The second is Siau Ling, she's been with me through my toughest times in life, showing me hope and keeping me strong. My only regret is that I might have done the same for her, a friend in need is a friend indeed, she's one of the few that fits this phrase perfectly. My acquaintance with must have been from the good karma of my previous life. She's an godsend guardian angel of my heart.

The third is Candy, you're the one that reminded me of everything that I have lost from all those years of locking myself behind closed doors. Without you, I might still be in the wandering darkness, suffering from pains of the past. I thank you for enlightening my path when it was gloom, I thank you for strengthening my path and restoring my motivation and dedication to finish what I have set off to do. My regret to you is that I do not have the chance to return the favor, but I believe we will meet again in the distant future where we shall once again retie lose ends. I await the day we re-introduce each other. You're a reminder of my will.

Farewell Candy, may your journey be lively and bright, filled with laughter and happiness. I hope our reunion will be one for the books, where we once again write a new chapter of our script called life. Farewell... My Close Friend

Act. 2 Salvation of Lost

2008-12-18T04:52:00.006+08:00

Yet again it slips my hand,
Yet again I've failed to grasp my chance for eternity,
Yet again have I sacrifice Aphrodite's Blessing.

Dwelling in the midst of gloominess;
I've found hope in the looming darkness;
Whether it may seems like an act of ignorance;
It means eternity to me, in a not so loving blissfulness.

For you,
Can I ask to be your closest friend?
A hope that I may still retain.
Never again will long for deeper.
Desert me not, I'm still wandering.
You're my healing hands, for a growing wound.

I'm yours...

Act. 1 Requiem of My Heart

2008-12-10T21:45:00.006+08:00

Wandering in this dark concrete forest;
The hole in my heart grew without rest;
Surrounded by fouls like a vulture's nest;
Slowly I'm sinking just like the rest.

I patched my heart, thinking it'll last;
Patched it again, so that it'll past;
The pain have stop, I'm not in pain at last;
I'm up and walking, but joy was in the past.

Never again did I fear pain as much;
Never again am I following my shadow;
Never again that tear floods my eyes;
Never again did I feel joy as much...

All was fine without joy in life;
Lifeless I walk, through the night;
Times I'll look up at twinkle lights;
There it was, like stars at night.

Glimmers of lights that shone so bright;
I was blinded by the wings of angelic might;
She's an angel, here to heal my lurking blight;
Away she took, my sufferings, my blight;
My heart she kept, in the bright warm light.

Together we walked, my joy was restored;
Happily we strolled, exchanging our lore;
Together we laughed, there's no room for bore;
How sweet she was, like honey fresh poured.

Suddenly she flew, without notice, without warn;
Left a note, "Forget our sweet memory", I'm torn;
I ran with all, hoping she's there, praying she'll turn;
She stabbed my heart, said "sorry" and turned.

Alone, I stood in the rain;
Unable to tell tears from rain;
Still I walked, still I'm in pain;
Only thing on my mind, I cannot let my journey be in vain.

I just realize

2008-11-14T00:49:00.007+08:00

After so long of being apart from you, I still feels my heart stings when I see your sad and gloomy display message in your msn. I still wanted to care for you, I still wanted to hear complains and sorrows. Not anymore as a lover, but as a anything else that would qualify me that position.

No longer that I long to hold you in my arms, no longer that I long for your dedicated devotion. I've learn to let go of that mortal addiction, but even so I still hoped that we could once again return to the times where I could hear your angelic voice every 11:35 P.M.

What I did was beyond forgiveness, so I do not wished for it. I just prayed that you'll stay as happy as we first meet, as pure as the first night we talked on the phone. The slightest sadness would cause the impact of catastrophic magnitude.

You're now a divine angel to me, never meant to be possessed, forever watchful of my fragile crystallized heart.

I am, born to be by your side;
But I, lost that irreplaceable pride;
So I'm, awaiting my chance to abide;
Hope I'll, one day regain my engraved pride.

Openning Act. 0

2008-10-09T04:51:00.001+08:00

A joke marks my interest,
A laugh marks my attention,
A sigh marks my understanding,
A pat marks my concern.

What is seen is just act,
As I'm curious what's attached,
To the actor upon the mass,
On what lies behind lonely mask.

Nothing need be said,
As life is just a play,
Upon the stage I'll act,
Wishing someone will be my crowd.

Admission is free...